


i take pride in the motherfucking hurt

by pluvieux



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 23:28:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13914438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluvieux/pseuds/pluvieux
Summary: "i stay strapped with my blicky at all times cause im in a whole lotta skater gang shit and i can never NEVER be caught slipping"(unrelated: it's international women's day! the future is freaking female)





	i take pride in the motherfucking hurt

**Author's Note:**

> my life has become me trying not to focus too much on how much i miss you, how much i need you, how i'm eagerly, so impatiently waiting for tomorrow, always waiting for tomorrow, until that day is finally here, + i am finally there, + we can be ,

_i've got sunshine on a cloudy day_  
_when it's cold outside, i've got the month of may_  
-

shitty off-brand apple juice, bottles of chocolate milk, sodas from gas stations,  
it's all champagne to the two of us

star-crossed, growing pains and growing pleasure,  
there are guardians, gladiators, lions in the constellations  
(in the space between us)  
(in the space so big, it'll never be small enough)

and it's just, i don't know how i got so lucky?  
to have a love so warm, it glows so gently

-

historic cemetery

-

the world is louder than your own breathing  
i can feel you, your emotions spilling over  
onto the bed, over me.

can i reassure you that you are the sky i wake up to?  
you are the air i breathe?  
though, we are alone together, tonight, can you hear me thinking it, thinking about you,  
these so many miles away? 

your lungs, suffocating on the words that should be said, right now  
i can hear you, humming qotsa, getting louder and meaningful  
into the room, all around us.

can i beg you to, please, sing for me again?  
that your voice lifts up a certain ache inside my chest,  
even though we are alone together, tonight, these so many miles away?  
that even if it could be on my crtv, a one-sided livestream, and i can't respond  
that i'm curled up in your hoodie, replaying it over and over?

-

i was 3/4 asleep. i opened my eyes, and my pink roses looked like an arch, a doorway on my curtains  
i remained blissfully unaware that it was just an illusion, the way i was looking up at them  
and i thought that if there was a doorway straight to you, it'd look a little like that,  
a lil violet sunrise coating my pink roses

-

a violent aesthetic,  
carving the rest of my name onto your thigh with a pocketknife  
tears streaming down my face because _not after all this time, no, never. never,_

your tall figure, dark, glooming, protective  
i swing our hands excitedly, knowing that you're mine, and yes, my name's on it 

-

and we grow, and we eat mushrooms  
(and one day mushrooms are gonna eat us)

-

doodling a pentagram onto the cosco's bathroom wall with that lipstick you bought me but i almost never wear,  
i carry viles in my purse-backpack-thing for you, poison for you to borrow,  
a cross for protection, a spell to keep other girls away

we're soaking in shreds of yesterday, in the months before us,  
in the time spent on the opposite fucking sides of the country  
the air is sacred between us,  
and finally, _FUCKING FINALLY,_  
we make our own tomorrows,  
tomorrows spent _together._

-

i am running out of breath,  
daydreaming of you.  
calloused, tired, aching feet, running back + forth,  
just to spend some precious time with you.

in my head,  
the fairytales i create + mold,  
are true. they feel so goddamn true,  
stronger than reality, + i cover up all the bad days with daydreams,  
i wrap it around my person,  
my entire being, + i lose myself in a world with you, always with you 

maladaptive daydreaming has since long been a great friend

-

even though it's september,  
do you want to kiss under the mistletoe?  
do you want to exchange presents, and turn the temperature down so we can cuddle + drink hot chocolate?

do you want to lazily, heavily, dance slowly in our kitchen in dumb flannel pajamas,  
giggling soft, low, in love  
we can pull up a youtube video or some shit on how to waltz,  
or we can just shift and stumble, i dont know

-

a pink cloud summer  
pastel, a new hair colour for a new life  
to become someone new, someone happy

rejoice, because i've always been an inch away from crying  
i've always been too many miles away from you  
\+ now, with you resting in my arms, + getting back on social media,  
(A HAPPY ENDING.)  
i weep, i'm in love

-

and my poetry sucks major dick right now,  
i don't know why or what it is but here it is,  
it's here, hello, it's meant for you

-

\+ tonight i'm bleeding sorrow because five months is _too long_  
but we're closer to being together than we were yesterday, or five days ago, or five months ago.

i finally have a job again,  
saving up for a new (everything),  
wanting to wash away all of this. all of it. no more bumfuck yeehaw tennessee. no more distance. (no more hiding.) 

-

\+ we write each other poems, + exchange kisses whenever we want,  
\+ tbh, without you this past year has been fucking TERRIBLE + _awful_  
\+ i'm waiting on our second anniversary to say,  
"this past year has been the best year of my life,  
because it was spent with you." 

and we're totally lame. this is a callout post for the both of us. total weeaboos.  
i mean, japan? neon genesis evangelion, pastel goth and shibe inus?  
i want to kiss you under cherry blossoms. i want to see mt. fuji and i want to go into a hentai shop with you.

i'm so happy i met you.  
i'm so happy that we met, i'm so freaking happy you're mine.  
i love writing to you, _for you,_ and i love being yours. 

i'm happy that we slept together every chance we got on discord, or facebook video chat.  
i'm happy that you love me as much as i love you,  
i'm happy that we have a love that's more than love, that we have a forgiving love, a faithful love, a lasting love. 

what we have is absolutely beautiful,  
thank you. <3

**Author's Note:**

> this was actually terrible but i just wanted to write _something_ y'know. 2018 will bring you striped shirts and sex so good it's unimaginable until it happens, hahaha.  <3


End file.
